If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
