i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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