Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
