When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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