It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
