Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
