So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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