Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
