why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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