Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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