We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
