The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am one with the molecules
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
