so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
