Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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