Yo dont text me then not text me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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