hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
