I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
