dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
