If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
