God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
