I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
