Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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