That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
