I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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