Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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