just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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