Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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