You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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