If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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