.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
