I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
