Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
