glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
