My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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