I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
