I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
