yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
