just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My penis needs a shock collar
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
