Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
