imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
