Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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