If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
