They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
