Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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