I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
