Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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