I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
