I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Found the puke drawer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sext me about skeletons
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
