we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
