it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
