Do you still have your period?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
